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Lizi Jackson Barret
[00:00:00] VIv: So Lizzie, welcome to the show today.
[00:00:04] Lizi: Thank you. I’m so excited to be here and talking to you today.
[00:00:07] VIv: Oh, I’m so excited as well. I feel like we’re like business BFFs aren’t we?. When we originally spoke and met and we were talking about, oh my gosh, what’s the missing thing in so much of the entrepreneurial space out there is the how to do things.
[00:00:20] Lizi: Oh my God yeah.
[00:00:21] VIv: We are going to get into this today. So very excited. So let’s just start off by talking about what confidence actually is because this is one of those things where I think it can be really misconstrued and misunderstood. What we mean when we talk about confidence.
[00:00:37] Lizi: Yeah, I totally agree. And I think that’s part of the problem is, um, there’s not many of us who wouldn’t say we’d like more confidence in something, but one of the things that stops us being able to get it is it feels so kind of nebulous and intangible.
[00:00:50] Lizi: And how can you aim to get something that you don’t even really know what it is? Having said that it’s not actually the easiest advances, because it can mean different things to different people. I think that actually confidence is, is very similar to being comfortable because if you picture a scene or a situation in which you feel confident, so, for some people, it might be, they feel confident when they’re in the gym doing a workout, which for me is like about as far from confident as I can be.
[00:01:18] Lizi: I’m really confident when I’m on stage giving a talk, which I know for some people would be the most frightening thing they can think about. But really when you kind of drill down into what really is that it’s just feeling comfortable feeling like I don’t need to be worried that I, I know my stuff I’m okay in this situation. And for me, that’s kind of really what confidence is, is it’s not some kind of really huge, strange kind of thing that we need to be. Reaching towards that feels so far out of reach that we don’t really know what it is. It’s just simply being in a situation that feels comfortable to us and that we feel like I’ve got this, I’m like, okay.
[00:01:57] VIv: Yeah. Um, and one thing that kind of [00:02:00] gets me there as well, I was thinking about when you were saying that was, what about when people say I’ve lost my confidence, so they may have felt confidence, you know, and this is a big thing for a lot of, I think women, especially, but you know, not just women, but when we have significant life-changing moments, you know, career changes, children, things like that. People can go, I’ve lost my confidence. I don’t know who I am anymore. Those kinds of things. What do you say to people when, with those instances and why does that happen?
[00:02:28] Lizi: So I, whenever I talk about confidence, I invariably ended up talking about comfort zones and I know that’s something we’ll talk about in more detail soon
[00:02:35] Lizi: um, but I think the two are very intrinsically linked. And when someone feels they’ve lost their confidence, what they really generally mean is, they feel like they are now out of their comfort zone, whereas previously they felt in their comfort zone. So I hear a lot, you know, women, for example, after they have children and their body changes that they lose their, their confidence to show up and be seen or wear certain clothes.
[00:02:59] Lizi: And what that really means is when their body looked one way, it was within their comfort zone. For example, to wear a low cut top. And because their body has changed it now, it feels like that’s out of their comfort zone. So I have a strategy that I’ll explain to you later about how we can kind of address that.
[00:03:18] Lizi: So comfort zones are very much, um, you know, they’re not a static thing. We can change them. So when we’ve lost our confidence, it really means something I was once comfortable with for various reasons. Probably something has changed in my environment of my situation, actually, that doesn’t feel so comfortable to me.
[00:03:39] VIv: So just before we dive into the other bits, we’re going to talk about today, which is comfort zones and so on and so forth. Tell us a bit more about how you got into this, this sphere of confidence, coaching and support.
[00:03:53] Lizi: Uh, it was completely accidental. I had no intention of doing what I’m doing now. Um, so I [00:04:00] trained to be a coach in 2017.
[00:04:02] Lizi: And my initial plan was that I was going to be a career coach. I had it all planned out. I was going to be an executive coach marching into the corporates charging as a squillion pounds a day, working two and a half hours a month from, you know, retiring by the time I was 47, that was kind of the plan. Um, So I went off to do a masters in careers, coaching and got halfway through it and realized I was loving everything I was learning about being a coach turned out. I was good at it, but the career stuff, it was just kind of leaving me cold. There were lots of our HR kind of people on the course, and that’s just not the world that, um, kind of sets me, sets mea light it makes me feel excited. Um, so I qualified as a coach and wasn’t quite sure where I was going or what I was doing.
[00:04:47] Lizi: Um, Yeah, that was in 2017, which was a really big year for me because in the same year as qualifying and then setting up this coaching business that was kind of dabbling in all different areas of coaching. I got married and then I turned 40 and then I found a bald patch and lost all my hair within two months, um, after my 40th birthday, which was right at the end of 2017, which ironically enough, completely shook my confidence because I, um, I regained a lot of weight I’d lost because I was comfort eating and being given steroids to try to stop the hair loss. So that kind of body confidence I’d always struggled with was now at an all time low, because I wasn’t only fat. I was also bold, um, and really scared about the way that people would perceive me the way that people might talk about me.
[00:05:36] Lizi: Um, but I kind of went on this journey of self-discovery itself. There’s not really many other words, but it was a real journey. It was a moment where I realized that losing my hair meant that I could give myself permission to kind of take a step out, to step away from. All of those expectations about how I thought women were [00:06:00] supposed to look and what I was supposed to be aiming to look like and realizing, well, no matter what I do now, I’m never going to look like that because I have no hair.
[00:06:09] Lizi: So I may as well just give myself a break, give myself permission to stop, start learning what it means to just look like me and be me at 40 years old. And then surprised realizing I liked it, but I think I like how I work. I liked how I am. I like how I show up. I’ve wasted all that time. Actually. I can now put all of that time and energy and money into stuff that actually makes me happy rather than yeah dieting and teeth whitening and hair straightening and all that, but we fit our lives with. Um, and so that was kind of the journey of, uh, for myself to finding my confidence. And then with that kind of coaching qualification behind me putting the two of them together and, um, sort of helping other women who are dealing with a range of different confidence issues.
[00:06:56] Lizi: And to be able for me to be able to say, actually, this is my story. And I’ve gone from confidence about as low as you can imagine it to standing on a stage and all my fat bald glory saying, Hey, everyone, look at me. And it’s great when you work from that place of kind of authenticity, where you really feel like you are working from your own experience, that you have something genuine to share that you, you really do kind of know what you’re talking about.
[00:07:23] Lizi: So. In a nutshell, that’s the story. That’s how I ended up where I am.
[00:07:28] VIv: I love that. So talk to us now about what is the impact that you see for entrepreneurs? And you know, women in business cause it’s women specifically who are really struggling with confidence and not being confident. Like what, how is that affecting people?
[00:07:46] Lizi: Um, in so so many ways, but the bottom line really is they’re not making any money.
[00:07:52] Lizi: Their businesses are failing. What we all do. And quite rightly too, is we invest in learning [00:08:00] about running a business from the experts, from marketing experts, from business strategists, from social media experts, from all those people who really do give us that knowledge. We absolutely do need. Um, but we then reached this point where so many of us and so many of the women I speak to feel like they know all the things they should be doing and yet they’re still not. And that’s because the thing that’s missing at that point isn’t strategy isn’t know how it’s the self-belief to put it into practice. So things like working with a business coach, who says that you are massively undercharging.
[00:08:35] Lizi: You need to increase your prices and they go through all the work. You understand why, but when it comes to it and you’ve got that client on the call and they say, well, can you tell me about your fees? You still feel like. Saying those numbers is terrifying because all the what-ifs come in. What if they think I’m overcharging?
[00:08:52] Lizi: What if they talk about me? What if they say, who does she think she is to charge that? And then you start throwing in discounts and offers and, and then feeling bad. And so it’s this kind of cycle. We, we kind of go round and round and round and then feel worse about ourselves because we know what we should have done.
[00:09:09] Lizi: We know what we should have said, and we didn’t. Um, but it isn’t money. Isn’t clearly the only thing it’s about having the confidence to stand up in a networking meeting and really talk about what you do with conviction without worrying about I’m the fattest woman in the room. What are they all going to think about?
[00:09:26] Lizi: Me? How I don’t look like a credible business woman. I’m not wearing the right clothes. I don’t express myself as confidently as everyone. Yeah. So many of those things come into play and they can leave us just stuck in our business, just feeling , really rubbish about ourselves, knowing all those shoulds and feeling just angry with ourselves that we’re not doing them all.
[00:09:46] VIv: Yeah. I think as well, something that comes up a lot for that I see come up for a lot of people is a lack of confidence in terms of their experience in that. Got [00:10:00] coaching niche. You know, they’ve come from maybe corporate being amazed at what they did retrained, but kind of say, well, I’m not confident because who am I?
[00:10:07] VIv: Who am I to say this? Who am I to teach someone how to start business? Who am I to teach someone how to blah, blah, blah, when I don’t have, you know, and I see this so often from my own clients. Do you see that a lot?
[00:10:18] Lizi: I do. And I think it’s really interesting that you specifically mentioned kind of women who have come from that corporate background because that’s the kind of woman I speak to a lot that reaches out to me a lot because they would often say, I don’t know why I’m finding this so hard. I was, you know, working for this huge corporate and responsible for a massive budget and a team.
[00:10:36] Lizi: And I had no problem speaking to clients then. So why is it so hard now? And it’s because. There was no, it wasn’t us that we were selling when we were working for that corporate, it was something else. It was a, you know, a faceless moneymaking machine. That’s easy to speak about without having all of those, what ifs and all that imposter syndrome come in.
[00:10:58] Lizi: But once we are. In the face of our own business, it becomes so much more complicated for us because it is so personal. And we worry that every, every note from every client means it’s something about us. And every time we speak about our great results or how good we are about it, it’s tied up in all that, but am I showing off and can I back it up and all of those worries.
[00:11:23] Lizi: That she didn’t have previously when she was working for that big corporate.
[00:11:28] VIv: Yeah. Corporate is such an interesting one. Um, when I used to do brown photography, I did a lot of market research with clients and obviously work at a lot of corporate escapees as I hate to call them. Now who’ve decided to, but five for.
[00:11:42] VIv: Um, and when I did a lot of research, people say to you, now you were taught how to have to speak in a certain way, how to dress and appear. It was like a different person, you know, persona that kind of put that uniform on in the morning and went to that job. Um, and so it was easy kind [00:12:00] of to do that for somebody else.
[00:12:01] VIv: Whereas when you yourself were in your own clothes, you know, cause that’s the beauty, isn’t it about being an entrepreneur where, and what I want, you know, But then it’s you, and it’s kind of you in your full sort of vulnerable self. You say it here I am. And I think people do really struggle there with that competency.
[00:12:20] VIv: See that all the time judgment and that fear of judgment.
[00:12:24] Lizi: Yeah. Yeah. And isn’t it interesting that clearly you get it completely analy? I would imagine that pretty much everyone listening to this is nodding because it is. Almost universally shared experience, I’m finding. And yet we don’t talk about it very much because in the world of business, we’ve expected to always be talking about, you know, smashing the sales targets and winning awards.
[00:12:46] Lizi: And so we all ended up in this place, but we think we’re the only one in the room who is terrified. Right. Without realizing everyone else in the room is feeling exactly the same. Um, and that’s why I think it’s so important for us to be having conversations like this so that we realize that actually the people who don’t feel like this are in the minority.
[00:13:05] VIv: Yeah. I mean, I’ve, I’ve heard interviews I think from Hollywood, big name Hollywood actors, you know, just is saying that, you know, of course you think about how many millions they making per movie.
[00:13:17] VIv: and still saying, you know, they, I think Michael Caine wrote his autobiography , and he said he just couldn’t stop making movies because he was afraid that was going to be the last one, that it was going to be found out for being no good or whatever it would dry up. And there’s a lot of people who have that with like, working so much that, you know, so you see it, you go, wow, they’re really successful, but the confidence, but they’re going to be, you know, uh, air quotes again found out.
[00:13:42] VIv: Um, discovered to be a fraud or, you know, whatever it might be an imposter is it’s still there for so many people. So it doesn’t necessarily go away when you stop making recurring monthly income. If that’s your goal, it can be there for a long time. So. Which [00:14:00] segues us nicely, I guess, into
[00:14:04] VIv: what are some of the common confidence challenges that you see coming up? Um, for people
[00:14:11] Lizi: I realized, um, last year that I was seeing the same set of challenges coming up again and again and again. Um, and so actually it came down to the six areas of competence that I ended up working. Working on with the different women who came to me.
[00:14:29] Lizi: So I put them together and I’ve called them the six pillars of confidence, because I actually think that when you kind of break it down and look at them all, we need all six of them to be in place to underpin the businesses that we’re running and really be successful. Um, so of these six, some of them are more obvious.
[00:14:47] Lizi: So things like, um, communicating confidently is a massively important one., if you feel you’re not getting a point across that you’re worried about the way you speak and the way that you come across, when you’re sharing what you do, you’re not going to get anywhere. So, you know, one like that is quite obvious.
[00:15:04] Lizi: Um, confidence on camera. A massive one in lots of different ways, because as we know is as business owners in the 21st century, it’s really, really hard to avoid a camera pointing at you in one way or another, whether that is through our headshots and branding shots, whether it’s showing up on Instagram every day, whether it’s having interviews with the media or, you know, whatever it is, there’s so often, even if it’s a meeting on zoom, So many cameras pointing in our faces and actually it’s, um, it’s something that terrifies so many of us.
[00:15:38] Lizi: So without that confidence to just be okay when there’s a camera in our face, we really not going to be able to show up the way we want to. So they’re kind of two of the more obvious ones. Um, The one that I think is a really important one, especially for women is what I call the confidence to aim higher.
[00:15:56] Lizi: And I think for, and I don’t like [00:16:00] generalizing completely because I know there are women who are okay at less and men who struggle with it, but by and large as women, we are brought up. Being told about. So trying to be a bit modest and not really show off to not set our sights too high. So I’d often have clients who come to me saying, um, you know, I just want to make a little bit of extra on the side, or, you know, I’m not asking to be a millionaire or anything.
[00:16:23] Lizi: And I say, but why, why really. I don’t mind if you don’t want to be a millionaire, but you really not want to be a millionaire. Um, and so that confidence that comes with giving ourselves permission to say, no, I not a huge things for myself, actually. And it’s all right for me to say that, to get rid of that fear of failure and the fear of judgment that comes with it is such an important part of what I do.
[00:16:48] Lizi: Um, Three of the six, where else have I got the confidence to know your worth and charge it, which probably doesn’t need much explanation. Um, but until we really confident in doing that, um, again, we’re just not going to make the money we deserve to be making. And these businesses that we pour out our souls into, um, one I think is probably a bit more, um, unexpected is what I call the confidence to get vulnerable and.
[00:17:15] Lizi: Shows up in different ways and it could be about having the confidence to ask for help. Um, because again, the world of business often tells us we’re not supposed to show weakness. We’re supposed to look like we’ve got everything covered and nothing is a problem. And actually that’s not true for any of us.
[00:17:32] Lizi: We should all be looking to bring in the help that we need no matter what that help looks like. But on a kind of deeper level. I think the confidence to get vulnerable enables all of us to connect with our clients on a more authentic level. I certainly find that when I’m posting on social media, whenever I write a post that is just sharing a bit about me, kind of from my heart, something that was difficult or something that’s on my mind, [00:18:00] that’s when I really get the best response. That’s when I get women coming into my inbox saying I’ve been in your world for awhile and kind of been watching, but actually I saw this post and it made me want to message you to talk about working together and that takes vulnerability to do that.
[00:18:15] Lizi: Um, and then the last one of the six is body confidence, which I think is a massively overlooked part of running a business. Um, Probably the area that is the closest to my heart because it’s where my confidence journey started. Um, but it’s very, very hard to have the visibility that we need to have as entrepreneurs if we are worrying about the way we look and about the way people will perceive us because of the way we look so there to kind of the six areas that come up alot again and again and again, in different guises. And that’s why I decided I was going to put them all together and actually speak about them more as these six pillars.
[00:18:51] Lizi: Because whenever I talk about them, people go, oh my God. Yes. That’s exactly it. I hadn’t realized that’s the problem I’m dealing with, but you’ve just explained it completely. So yes,they’re the areas.
[00:19:03] VIv: One thing we hear a lot is people will go, you know, say to us, just get over yourself, get on with it. Yeah. Push out of your comfort zone.
[00:19:12] VIv: you know, just go live, go, whatever. Get on the stage, do this, you know, and it’s this push out of your comfort zone. So talk to us about comfort zones. Cause I know that you have a, a real point of view around this, which is the everything you’ve been told around comfort zones is wrong.
[00:19:31] Lizi: Yeah, it absolutely is. And I don’t know if you could any grinding my teeth, as you were saying, makes me the, kind of the, just do it sort of way of approach of doing things.
[00:19:39] Lizi: Infuriates me. I mean, how many times do people share this? Like, you know, brilliant, inspirational meme about, you know, just believe in yourself, no one else is gonna believe in you and as you do. And, and I got so sick of it. I think most of us, but yeah. Okay. Yeah. It’d be great to believe in myself, but you sharing that meme.
[00:19:59] Lizi: [00:20:00] Isn’t going to get me to believe in myself. There wasn’t really anyone I could see , breaking it down into the, how, which is what made me just made me so irritated. Um, so that’s why I developed what I do. And that’s why I talk about comfort zone so much because. I think the, the, how part of getting confident comes back to what I started saying to you earlier around comfort zones.
[00:20:28] Lizi: Um, so I think that this received wisdom we all have about. Being out of our comfort zone and that if you stay in your comfort zone too long, you’re a failure and nothing good happens in your comfort zone and you want to succeed. You’ve got to get out your comfort zone and all that stuff. It’s really damaging.
[00:20:47] Lizi: And it harms us and it stops us moving forward because I think that we all perform at our best when we are in our comfort zones. So. I am a good speaker on stage because I am comfortable in that situation. I am not good at rustling up a great meal in the kitchen because I’m out of my comfort zone. When it comes to trying to follow a recipe.
[00:21:16] Lizi: So I think that we need to ignore all those coaches and all that noise out there about being out of comfort zones. And actually what I talk about is expanding our comfort zones to include the thing that we want to be doing. Um, and that’s a, um, a system I developed after realizing I had become comfortable and confident showing up in the world with no hair and.
[00:21:46] Lizi: Realizing the kind of only, I know, six months a year before that the idea terrified me. And so I started to analyze what had gone on for me. How did I go from this? Absolutely. Like, I wouldn’t even put the bins out without [00:22:00] putting a hat on to just forgetting. I’ve got no hair. How did that happen? And that’s what helped me to develop what I call my confidence growth system.
[00:22:10] Lizi: So it’s starts off and I do normally kind of have a visual with this. So I have to try and explain it to you, but it’s basically a flow chart with kind of four circles, one leading to the other in a sort of around, around a circle. So the first one kind of at the top of the flow chart is your comfort zone.
[00:22:29] Lizi: And what you do is you work out what is my current comfort zone in the area that I want to be more competent in. So if, for example, um, somebody was saying to you, or may I really wish I was more confident to, um, do live videos on social media to show up on social media more, to be more visible, then we might say to them, well, what, what are you currently comfortable doing on social media?
[00:22:55] Lizi: So maybe they’re okay with. Written posts that don’t have too many photos of themselves or sharing a photo that’s kind of been taken by a professional photographer, but maybe not any selfies or, you know, those kinds of things. So that goes into that circle and it might only be a few things. Then the next part still on that comfort zone circle is to look outside the circle to a new kind of bigger circle. So you’ve kind of got these two concentric rings. So in the outer circle you were asking yourself the question.
[00:23:26] Lizi: What would I do if I was more confident and you’re writing all those things into that circus. When in other words, the stuff that is out of your comfort zone. So for me out of my comfort zone would have been going to the shops with no wig on it would have been, uh, writing a book about my experience.
[00:23:43] Lizi: It would have been. Yeah, enjoy grown-up time with the hobby and not panic about what he was thinking about me and why me that he would feel like he was going to go into bed with Phil Mitchell. So that was in that outer ring, outside my comfort zone. So, you know, for the client who is worried about social media, she might [00:24:00] say, if I was more confident, I would do a Facebook live for example.
[00:24:06] Lizi: And there’s normally a lot of stuff you can think of that’s out of your comfort zone. That’s kind of the first stage of this system the next bit is that you choose one thing that’s out of your comfort zone. One thing you would do if you had more confidence, um, and you choose it kind of strategically and meaningfully.
[00:24:26] Lizi: So the thing that you choose. You need to pick it so that you, you really you’re clear about why, what are the benefits of doing that? So for me, the thing I chose to do, first of all, that was out of my comfort zone was share a bald photo on Facebook. Um, the idea of that terrified me, but that was the thing I chose to do.
[00:24:45] Lizi: So, you know, our client might choose to do a Facebook live. Then we move to the second stage. So the first stage is comfort zones. We’ve done that. The second stage is what I call courage. And this is the big one. And this is the hardest one, because this is basically you do that thing. You do that thing that scares you, that’s out of your comfort zone, but unlike all the coaches who say, just do it, just get out of your comfort zone and just do it.
[00:25:11] Lizi: I say no prepare to do it. First of all. So we do work around thinking about what would give you more courage to do the scary thing. Is it finding a friend who is also scared to go live on Facebook and saying to each other, let’s do it together on this day and cheer each other on, is finding a load of friends and saying, I’m going to go live.
[00:25:35] Lizi: I’m really scared. Can you just watch it and leave me those comments please? So I’m not on my own for me. The thing that gave me courage to share my first board photo on Facebook was sticking a load of filters on it. So I felt like I was kind of showing up as this. Gorgeous version of myself. Um, there are loads and loads of ways that you can build up the courage.
[00:25:55] Lizi: And that’s kind of the main part of what I do when I’m coaching. This is we kind of put lots of things in place to [00:26:00] think, where could that courage come from? And then once you’ve done it and you’ve got your courage ready, then you do the thing, you do. The thing that scares you and then crucial. You don’t stop once, because if you just do it once it stays out of your comfort zone, it stays as a scary thing.
[00:26:16] Lizi: You once did. The important thing is you do it again and you do it again and you do it again. And each time you do it, you will find, you need a little bit less courage until so we’ve had comfort zones. We’ve had courage. You find yourself in the first stage, which I call competence. And all that means is.
[00:26:34] Lizi: Realizing you’re okay. Realizing it wasn’t as scary as you thought that nothing terrible has happened, that you’re perfectly capable of doing this scary thing, but actually it’s not really scary anymore. And then that competence stage doesn’t last long because before you know it you’re in the next stage, which I call confidence.
[00:26:53] Lizi: And co there’s not much of a leap between the competence and the confidence , except by the time you’re confident you not even really thinking about it anymore, you’re just doing it. And then that takes you all the way back round to that first stage, which was comfort zone. But what you find is the comfort zone has now expanded to include that thing that once scared.
[00:27:13] Lizi: And then the beautiful thing about that system is you can then choose something else that’s out of your comfort zone. And repeat it again and again and again. So your comfort zone gets bigger and bigger and as it gets bigger and bigger, you discover more and more things that are outside that comfort zone.
[00:27:30] Lizi: That you would do if you had more confidence that you wouldn’t have even imagined doing when you were in that tiny, tiny little comfort zone to begin with. So that’s kind of how the system works. Um, and that is what I developed after realizing what I did to get comfortable and confident kind of showing up as this bald woman.
[00:27:50] VIv: Such a great, uh, system that, but one thing that came up for me there was how do you decide what should go in, in the, [00:28:00] obviously the comfort zone or be in that circle outside of the comfort zone? I was so you’re not comfortable because there are some things that could sit out there and we’re never going to be comfortable because they’ve just not aligned for us.
[00:28:11] VIv: So how do you distinguish then between what one thing to work on that is, you know, so for, for me, obviously with. Social media, or let’s say take some people will bash away at blogging because someone said once upon a time, you have to do blogging and they just don’t love it. It’s not that you know that maybe that they’re dyslexic.
[00:28:32] VIv: Maybe they just hate writing and they’re a really visual person. And so it’s never, it’s not necessarily a confidence but they don’t feel competent because they don’t enjoy, it’s not aligned. So how do you get people to this differentiate distinguish between taking action that they could potentially, if they get the courage become more confident with the, is the right action.
[00:28:54] VIv: That is actually an aligned action.
[00:28:56] Lizi: Yeah. I think that’s a great question. And. Really what that comes down to is that, that question that I said, you need to ask yourself to find out what you’re writing down. And the question is what would I do if I was more confident? So what would I. No. What do people say I should do what?
[00:29:13] Lizi: It’s not what the confident people do. It’s what would I do if I was more confident? So other bald women, for example, might not say if I was more confident, I’d go shopping with no wig on and maybe that just doesn’t feel like her. Um, so maybe she would just feel happy around the house, you know with now wig on. . Um, And, you know, as you say, maybe your client would never put in that circle.
[00:29:36] Lizi: Actually, if I was more confident, I’d write a blog because that just isn’t them. And part of that, Talking about confidence is having the confidence to kind of trust your instincts, to listen to yourself, to let go of all of those shoulds that surround once I’m saying the way we should run a business, but actually the way we supposed to do everything, there’s always a should isn’t there.
[00:29:58] Lizi: The way we’re supposed to show up in life or [00:30:00] all the way was supposed to look or the way we supposed to run a business or eat or everything. And that takes a lot of confidence to say, Well, I know there’s all this advice out there. Actually. I’m going to trust myself to know what feels right, what doesn’t feel right.
[00:30:16] Lizi: And to know that you’re allowed to change your mind. So putting in that outside ring, what would I do if I was more confident then after choosing that thing and going around the whole cycle and back again and thinking, right, I’m going to have another lit now. Outer ring and see what else is there for me to tackle.
[00:30:33] Lizi: And then you can reevaluate it actually are those things still things that I would do if I was more confident, is there anything I want to add to it? Anything I want to cross out? Um, and so putting yourself at the center.
[00:30:46] VIv: Yeah. And that’s such a big wall for people. Isn’t it to, to, to say no to trust our and lean into our intuition.
[00:30:54] Lizi: Trusting our intuition is absolutely key. And. Lots of the work that I do and that I know that all my clients go through is letting go of that fear of judgment. That’s often the thing that holds us back and that damages our confidence. And there’s, you know, there’s a lot of work you can do around, um, letting go of the worry about what would other people think, what will other people say?
[00:31:20] Lizi: And once you’ve been able to kind of move past that as much as possible, that does help for you to again, put yourself at the center of every decision you make and to really think about what feels right to me. Um, it’s worth thinking about kind of your personal values, the things that matter most to you and tying all the decisions you make, about what things you’re going to do.
[00:31:45] Lizi: Into those, those values always coming back to it, um, to make sure is this aligned with the things that really matter to me about how I want to show up in the world.
[00:31:54] VIv: It’s so difficult as well for something, you know, because it’s in our [00:32:00] genetics, isn’t it we’re programmed to want to fit in, you know, and that can be so hard to then tap into to our intuition and know own and to really understand.
[00:32:11] VIv: Well, uh, in a, in a soul in a being is telling us because we are so programmed to be like, I must, you know, I must have long, straight hair. I must be a certain physical belt in order to be accepted and fit in. And I think that can be so hard for people when it comes to following that intuition and doing that work.
[00:32:32] VIv: Uh, and it’s why we see so many people struggling because they are. Pushing to do something that everyone else is doing in my case, social media. And it is something of a, can I, can I really do it without? And it’s like, well, yes, you certainly can. But there’s so many people out there now shouting, you must be on social media that it’s hard to then step away from what the majority are doing.
[00:32:54] Lizi: That’s totally . Right.
[00:32:55] VIv: We’ve talked previously on the show about how important it is to own your point of view. So your opinion, your way of doing things, your take on why, what you do is the right way to do things.
[00:33:08] VIv: Um, and it really is important to building your authority within your niche and becoming like the only option for, for, for people who are the right fit to work with. How is confidence affecting us in owning our opinions in the marketplace? Cause I’m sure you must see this a lot. There are a lot of people might say like clones out there when it comes to people just doing the same thing, saying the same message and it’s not different.
[00:33:36] VIv: It’s all very blah, very saved me. So, you know, this obviously does come down to people, having maybe a fear around standing out and showing up. What do you say to people who are kind of like, but I don’t want to be trolled on social media or whatever it might happen. How do you get people sort of through that.
[00:33:53] Lizi: Um, I think that often that comes down to, um, this kind of, what if [00:34:00] mentality that we carry around with us? Um, what tips are another thing I speak about a lot, because they can really hold us back. So I talk a lot about this character that we have sitting on our shoulder or living in our heads and I call him the what if monster?
[00:34:16] Lizi: So when you make a decision to do something, to share maybe a controversial or unusual opinion, that what if monster is whispering to you? What if people don’t like you? What if they troll you? What if they go off and slag you off? What if they don’t want to work with you? And that voice gets so loud.
[00:34:35] Lizi: It’s all you can hear and it feels like inevitable truth that’s going to happen. So one of my strategies for dealing with that is for you to create a different character who I call the what if fairy . And she also starts everything with water, but her, what ifs are the complete opposite? So where the, what if monster says to you?
[00:34:57] Lizi: What if no one likes what you’ve got to say? The what if fairy might say might. What , if loads of people, like what you’ve got to say, what if people have been waiting to hear them? If the what if monster says that might put, what if that puts people off working with you in their fairy says what if it attracts your perfect clients?
[00:35:14] Lizi: You? And so the key with that one is to really genuinely listen to what’s going on in your head because we don’t do that. We don’t always kind of, we know that we’re a bit worried, but we don’t really get into what is it? So spending the time, journaling, writing down, what are they specific what ifs that, that monster is shouting at you and then what responds.
[00:35:37] Lizi: Would your fairy give to each of those what ifs ? Because it’s a psychological phenomenon that we are programmed to put more emphasis and weight on anything that feels negative. It goes all the way back to caveman times when it was all about self preservation, you’ve got to focus on the negatives.
[00:35:55] Lizi: Otherwise, you know, it could kill us and it’s still there in our brains now. [00:36:00] And the only real way to counter it is to force ourselves to look for the positive kind of alternatives, because they’re not something that just pops into our brain.
[00:36:09] VIv: So it’s a big thing that the negative, but negative is such a.
[00:36:14] VIv: Ah, such a pain in the ass where these cust we in a voice that just consumes so many of us, you know, unnecessary, you know, it doesn’t matter how much money you’ve got. It is something that, you know, will, will be there throughout and is how do we do with that? And I look the idea of bringing in the fairy every time.
[00:36:34] VIv: So Lizzy, how can, how can people work with you if they wanted to find out more about working with you
[00:36:42] Lizi: . Um, well, I have a free Facebook group called the courageous women’s Alliance and, um, it’s just a lovely, supportive space for women in business to explore all of the kinds of things we’re talking about now.
[00:36:55] Lizi: Um, for anybody who feels more kind of ready to see. Looking into this stuff more for themselves and really ready to say, do you know enough? Enough’s enough. I’m ready to stop my mindset, stopping me from moving forward. Um, I work with women, both one-to-one and on a group program. Um, and my great program only runs once a year and it’s called the core confidence accelerator.
[00:37:19] Lizi: And I’ve also just introduced a brand new way of working with, with people that I am loving, that I’ve called the confidence intensifier and it’s a one day full, intense day. In the room together, um, where we just blast through all of these confidence, um, obstacles, challenges. And by the end of the day, she literally leaves a different woman from the woman that she walked in as.
[00:37:44] Lizi: Um, it’s so, and that’s the way I, I loved I’m very, very impatient. If I decide I want to make a change, I want it now. I don’t want to wait.
[00:37:51] VIv: Thank you so, so much for being here today. I know we could have talked for hours.
[00:37:56] VIv: There were so many more things we could have covered, but I think that’s been such a [00:38:00] great, uh, insight into how people can really start to tackle any confidence issues that they’re having and, you know, get past this whole, just do it, get over yourself, all of those kinds of things that are still not really constructive and not helping people.
[00:38:17] VIv: So Lizzie, thank you so, so much for being here today.
[00:38:21] Lizi: Thank you so much for having me. I’ve really enjoyed talking to you.
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What is Confidence?
Why everything you’ve been told about comfort zones is wrong
What happens when you get married, turn 40 and loose all your hair?
Your confidence takes a hammering right?!
That’s what happened to my guest on todays episode Lizi Jackson-Barrett. Lizi Jackson-Barrett is a confidence coach, bestselling author and a TEDx speaker.
Featured widely in the UK media, including Marie Claire, Huffpost, YOU Magazine and BBC Radio and TV, Lizi knows from personal experience how increasing your confidence can transform your life – often in ways you’d never imagined.
Lizi knows first hand what it is to loose your confidence and the impact it can have on your personally and professionally.
But what even is confidence?
How does confidence and our ‘loss’ of it affect us as entrepreneurs?
My guest Lizi talks about confidence being like your comfort zone.
“When you loose your confidence it means you’re out of your comfort zone.”
We all know that reaching success means leaving our comfort zones, but what happens when the idea of this brings you out in a cold sweat? When you’re torn between knowing you need to “man up” and get out there, and feeling scared to leave the security of what you already know and do, how can you achieve those goals that you dream of?
The good news is that leaving your comfort zone doesn’t have to be as nerve-wracking as you might imagine. Lizi will be sharing her own experience of getting out of her comfort zone and will be telling you the exact steps you can take to do the same, so that you can start showing up in business with the confidence you need to truly succeed.
Lizi is my kinda coach – she doesn’t just tell you what you need to do but shares the HOW and wow is she giving a tonne of value in this episode to help you unlock your confidence to reach your full potential.
What you’ll learn in this episode:
- What confidence is and how you can aim to have something that’s nebulous and intangible
- The 6 Pillars of confidence
- Expanding your comfort zone – how to do this in order to unlock your success.
Confidence is very similar to being comfortable. When you feel comfortable you feel confident. Understanding what to work on to expand your comfort zone and what to eliminate are crucial to unlocking your confidence for success in your business.
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Here’s a glance at this episode:
02:35 – Confidence & comfort zones – what’s the difference?
04:02 – Lizi’s story from bald to bold
07:52 – Why entrepreneurs still aren’t making money when they have the tactics
14:11 – The 6 Pillars of Confidence
25:11 – prepare to do the ‘thing’
30:54 – Trusting our intuition
33:53 – The ‘what if monster and fairy’
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